245 – Desperation

There is quite simply no other way to describe how I’m feeling.

I feel sick. I feel unhealthy. I feel helpless. I feel hopeless.

And I know there is no one to blame but me. That’s the thing that pisses me off worse than anything.

I’ve been sleeping in the basement for quite some time now. This is due to the fact that I’m snoring like a truck and keeping the wife awake. I know… KNOW that when I lose weight I’ll stop snoring. Yet I continue to make bad choices when it comes to what I’m putting into my mouth.

I’ve behind on my Behind the Bar entries but I know I’ve been drinking too much. Eating bad, and drinking too much. And I’m surprised that I’m tipping the scales and nearly 250 pounds? What the fuck is wrong with me?

I seriously considered not writing this post today. But I’m writing to hopefully kick my ass into gear and hopefully… I’ll be able to look back at this point in the future, as a skinny man, and see how far I’ve come.

Here’s hoping, but I know “hope” is not a strategy.