Can I Change? Will I Change? I WANT To Change

Not quite sure where I’m going with this.  Just going to sort of start typing and see what comes out.

I’ve done this sort of thing before. I’ve started over. I’ve cut carbs. I’ve cut out junk food.  I’ve quit dipping.  I’ve done yoga.  I’ve started swimming.

And yet through all of that, I’m still sitting here this morning weighing in at 234 pounds.  On another one of my sites I’ve been keeping tracking of how often I drink.  Last month it was 16 out of 31 days.  As of yesterday I’ve drank 5 days in a row thanks in part to the holiday weekend and my son’s baptism yesterday.

I know I want to lose weight.  I want to be right around 200 lbs.  I think I’d feel and look awesome.  But for some reason I’m not able to get and keep the weight off. I’ve got DDP Yoga at home and before our 3rd son was born I was consistent with doing it for about 6 weeks.  He’s 2 months old now and I’ve not gotten back to it.  I’m making excuses and I know it… and it fucking pisses me off.

I wrote a piece that examined my former fast food obsession.  And then I promptly returned to my ways.

I’ve been saying that I’m working on my “quit weight” since I quit dipping cause that’s when I really added quite a bit of this weight.  As of the 24th of this month, I’ll be quit 8 years.  My addiction to dip I’ve got under control.

Now… finally… it’s time to take control of my weight.

I can do it.

I will do it.