236.0 – And We’re Off… Again

So I weighed in yesterday and I was back up to 237.5.  My goal weight hasn’t changed… I’m still shooting for sub-200 lbs.  This particular number is really daunting and I simply cannot seem to break through.  I had been down in the 220’s for a good 6 months or so, but sadly that’s once again behind me.

Between the Winking Lizard World Tour (which I’ve finally finished), a new job and the fact that I’m not working out I’ve crept back up to the mid/high 230’s.  All of those excuses aside, I have to be honest with myself… I eat like shit.  Since I’ve been working downtown Cleveland again I eat McDonald’s just about every morning on the way to work.  2-4 sausage McMuffins with no egg.  Good fucking Christ.   And for quite a bit of time, I was stopping on the way home from work and getting a couple of burgers and some chicken nuggets.  Are you SERIOUS?  Just reading that makes me sick.
Typical day (in the past):

• Cottage cheese, hard boiled egg
• 3 sausage McMuffins, Diet Coke
• Beef teriyaki with fried rice & vegetables, Diet Coke
• 2 junior burgers, 8-10 nuggets, Diet Coke
• A sensible dinner

Oh… My… God.

How the hell do I think that I can lose any weight eating like that?  Honestly… I can’t.  Sprinkle in the fact that I don’t work out, don’t sleep nearly enough and I’m always stressed it’s just a recipe for disaster.  So while I’m pissed that my weight is completely spiraling out of control, I’ve got no one to blame by myself and I’m not shocked at all.

So, as I’ve done many times before, I’m starting over.  My official start weight is 238.  That’s where I was a couple of days ago.  So, I suppose I’m down 2 lbs already, but I’ve got a long way to go.  In fact, even though I ate pretty good yesterday (brought my lunch) I still got McDonald’s yesterday morning AND stopped at Wendy’s on the way home (though it was a completely carb-free stop).  I stopped again this AM at McDonald’s and had (only) 2 McMuffins.  It’s amazing the thought process that the brain will go through when faced with food that I’m addicted to.

And that’s the reality of the situation… I’m addicted to this food.  I guess I’ve known it for a while but never really wanted to admit it.  I should have seen it MUCH sooner based on my background with addiction. But as I know from my battle with nicotine, an addict’s mind is a crazy thing.  I’ve said it hundreds of times before…

THIS TIME I’m going to own it.
THIS TIME I’m going to be successful.
THIS TIME I’m going to get back to the real me.

THIS… IS… THE… TIME.