April 17, 2021

239 – I Saw 240… And I Didn’t Like It

Angry ManActually, I’ve seen 242.

It’s been just over two months since my last post. On that morning I was 238 and “getting angry with myself“.  Well, this morning I’m 239 and you can imagine just how pissed off I am.

I feel completely helpless. I say every day how I want to lose weight. At this point I really need to lose 40 pounds. 40 POUNDS!!! Do you know how ridiculous that is? Do you know how unhealthy that makes me? It’s fucking crazy.

And the worst part of it all is that I feel completely helpless. I tell myself every day that today’s the day. I told myself last night as I was eating a few pretzels that it was the last time. I told myself this morning as I stood in the shower that today was the day.

And then I pulled into McDonald’s this morning and got 3 Sausage McMuffins.

This is an addiction. Plain and simple. I don’t know how else to describe it. Even as I pull into McDonald’s I know what I’m doing is bad. I know it’s killing me and I simply cannot stop.

The good news, if there is any, is that I’ve got experience with addiction. I quit dipping after 18 years and as I sit here I’ve not had a dip in 3,217 days. I quit drinking soda 492 days ago. I KNOW I can accomplish things.

The problem is… what do I quit?

  • Is it carbs? I think this has merit. I’ve had success with this in the past. The potential downfall are things like pizza, popcorn and beer / whiskey.
  • Is it fast food? This isn’t a bad thing either, but if I go “carb free” it limits my options.
  • Is it alcohol? Wouldn’t be bad either, but I don’t drink all that much. At least not more than I have in the last decade.

Time for some soul searching…

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